Rage Fest Cancelled

Sometimes, not very often, I feel like I know just where I'm going and just how everything is going to align in life. Other times, okay most of the time, I feel like I have control over nothing and after awhile, my world becomes one giant full fledged rage fest. You say you don't know what a rage fest is? Oh, well you must not know me personally then.... my derby name was Mandgrenade for a reason. (think of a small self-contained item with a rough outer shell that explodes quickly causing loud noises and flying objects...that's me)

the Grenade

Lately, it's been a rage fest all up in here. It's no secret that I don't exactly love my job. I'm not too thrilled about living in this cramped little townhouse anymore. My heart is longing for a slower pace of life in a friendlier environment where everything has the soft glow of a rural summer sunset. Chances are that is just a pipe dream. (what does that phrase even mean anyways?) I've been so frustrated with where we are that I'm ruining the journey to wherever it is that we're going.

I'm not so great at waiting. I started working at the age of 14, applied for EMT jobs before the ink was dry on my certificate, and bought my first house at 22. Every cake I've ever made has sunken in the middle because I open the oven door to stab it with a toothpick before the timer goes off. remaining patient is not my specialty. Unfortunately, that's what this period is allllll about.

This period...of waiting....has been a challenge like none other for me. But it's forcing me to grow up and chill out. I don't know what the future is holding for us. I don't know where we'll be or how I'm going to get there. It's been a great test in trusting God, knowing that He will put us exactly where we're supposed to be for this next phase of our lives.Over the past couple of weeks , I've been brain-washing myself out of our current situation. "It's so crowded here. Everyone is so rude! this house is falling apart so I don't want to live here any more anyways!" What I should be doing is preparing my heart for a new season. Preparing myself to accept new and uncomfortable situations that God is going to brings to us. I should be opening my mind and clearing out the clutter. A new season is near and I need to be ready to welcome the challenge with open arms rather than with a bruised heart.

There's a small spark in my insides that can just feel that God is taking us somewhere special I think He is going to place us in an interesting new corner of the world that will absolutely BLOW OUR MINDS!

So the Rage Fest has been cancelled, y'all. I'm done throwing things and screaming obscenities. (did you hear that? That was my husband's sigh of relief.) I'm done pretending that I have any control over anything at all. I'll grow up and let go and realize that it's not about me, and it's not going to happen on my timeline or in the fashion that I so choose.

After all, if you've got to start somewhere; why not here?

 

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

~2 Timothy 1:7