thank God for cookies

Typically I thrive under pressure and am highly motivated by outside factors. Deadlines, important dates, bragging rights....that was always my thing. I'm learning, though, that being motivated for reasons other than yourself are likely to disappoint. It's so easy to be soaring high and plugging along, excited for a goal, and then have the rug completely pulled out from under your feet by someone else's behaviors. Times like these, you have to pick YOURSELF up and go at it again...this time, with a different motivation in mind. Be motivated for yourself. I'm not saying be selfish...more like self-reliant. Don't wait for someone else to inspire you. Don't wait for someone else to pat you on the back. Chances are, it won't happen. People will disappoint. Kind acts will go unnoticed. Nit-pickers with pick. Hard work will be overlooked. There will be bumps in the road, let downs, set backs, and bad memories. Don't use those as excuses to quit. Do it for yourself. Do it because you know it's the right thing to do. And in matters close to your heart, stand strong. In matters of principle, do not waiver.

It's been an odd few days. Not challenging, not even bad, really. Unfortunately, the office suffered a tragic loss several days ago. There have been awkward moments around the hallways and visible pain in some co-workers' eyes. I'm a pretty de-sensitized person and forget that some people actually feel loss and pain and tragedy. I'm the worst person to talk to when bad things happen, because I never know quite what to say. I've always been best at keeping quiet and saving face, regardless of what's going on under the surface.... Which leads me to odd-stars-are-aligning occurrence #2 .... A random encounter with my mother. I shouldn't even qualify it as an encounter, I suppose. But I saw her, she may have seen me...who knows. Someone told me later "She just didn't see you. There's no way she didn't recognize you. What mother wouldn't recognize her own child in a Chipotle!?" Mine wouldn't. My mother hasn't seen my face for almost ten years. After seeing her on Monday, I'm still furious and wanting to punch anything and everything right in the face. Not a healthy response, I know, but it's mine and I'll accept that. The fury comes from the scars I know she left, and the way I watched our family get torn apart. She is the reason I trust no one. She is the reason I fear becoming a mother more than anything else in this world. She is the reason I hate being a female, because it's just one more thing to have in common with her. I hate that we share the same gene pool, because any part of me being associated with any part of what she's done makes my skin crawl.  Not too long ago, my Dad said "Someday, we won't hurt so much and you'll be able to do things like watch old family videos or make scrapbooks." Apparently that day hasn't come yet, because I'm still pretty pissed.

Tonight I've decided to move beyond anger, distrust, disappointment, loss, and frustration. Tonight I improved my little corner of the world the only way I know how....
I went for a run and then I baked.


Anyone ever seen "Stranger Than Fiction" with Will Ferrell? There's a monologue at the end of the movie that speaks perfectly for days like these......

"As Harold took a bite of Bavarian sugar cookie, he finally felt as if everything was going to be ok. Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true."

....not Bavarian sugar, but Oatmeal Chocolate Chip
(which is kind of my signature cookie)

Good Good Good, Good Vibrations

My grandmother hates the Beach Boys.

Anyways, today started out pretty awesome. So awesome, in fact, I'm here to share it. I'm also here to share because my Super Woman vitamin regimen has me nowhere near ready to sleep yet. (seriously, this stuff is like liquid crack, but in a good way)

I hit the gym in the a.m., and seriously, guys, I am so over the grunting and the yelling. We get it. You're lifting heavy things, it's very very challenging. Shut up and lift it and get out of my way.

Then, I stopped by my favorite coffee shop to grab a surprise treat for a friend....and, as karma (or whatever a Christian would call it) would have it, the barista totally gave me a free drink just because. So I gave him a tip that was entirely too small because I do not carry enough cash around like an adult. Tomorrow. I'll make it up to you dude, I promise.

I did not drink this...because energy drinks make me feel scared

So today was my cousin's birthday, and she rocks, so it was a good day. Today also marked 11 months of my man's deployment- less than 30 days to go!! Today was also the start of the NHL playoffs, which means my life becomes very hectic here until the Red Wings' season is over. (And if they keep playing like they did this evening, my schedule will be clearing up here soon.)


This new vitamin crap is out of this world! I took a vitamin B complex years ago and remember feeling like there just weren't enough tasks for me to barrel through. I started the B complex again yesterday and this evening I successfully grocery shopped, did laundry, made dinner, set my oven on fire, put said fire out, brushed the dog, did the dishes, put away ALLLL the crap I had strung out across the living room from my trip, sorted mail, made all three meals for tomorrow, watched a bad hockey game, and updated the wedding RSVP list. Oh, and wrote this blog. Not huge things but, hey, it's raining outside. Speaking of which.....

WTH? This is a horrible time for the rain to decide to fall from the sky
(such a rough life we lead huh?)

Also...here are some of the seedlings for our garden and our flower pots!

The Honor Students there in the front are zucchini sprouts.

Weekend in the Fly-Over States

I went to visit my family in Nebraska this weekend. It was a wise choice.












It was a good weekend overall, but time with the family and days spent operating at a slower pace are ALWAYS good :)

I went roller skating at the local roller rink with my 11-year-old cousin on Friday night, this was also a wise choice. I felt like I was fifteen again- happy, goofy, coordinated, and energetic. Kids tend to have that effect on me.  Kids are awesome.

I'm a better dancer with a pair of skates on...fact.

We did all the silly games you're supposed to play at the roller rink, and we did the chicken dance, the hokey pokey, the YMCA (a personal favorite), and I may have rocked out to a little Carly Rae Jepsen ....this was totally just an attempt to entertain the 11-year-old....it's not like this song is on my running play list or anything ;)   

Then I tried my hand at making hot potato salad and "pink stuff" for our family dinner. (Paleo friends, stop reading now...) "Pink stuff" was always a staple at our Thanksgiving dinners and my grandma mentioned that it sounded good...and when your grandmother mentions that something sounds good, you get your butt to the store to buy ingredients and you make it!!!!! "Pink stuff" consists of cottage cheese, pineapple, jello, and cool whip. Mine also contained marshmallows....I swear I saw marshmallows on the recipe and I bought them at the store so I figured I might as well throw them in. It's actually pretty tasty, albeit completely unnatural ;)

pink stuff

I'm also sort of hooked on this song by Jason Aldean. And here's some pictures from my road trip. (Rode solo this time, my awesome brother and sister-in-law watched the mutt.)

posted in a restroom along the way.
The tagline says "spritz in the bowl before you go and no one else will ever know"
....yeah.....